
"What the hell!"

"Journalism is clearly not a crime."

"Sleepy Don."

How's everybody doing tonight?

"Biden laughed."

"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."

"He's gotta be on our side."

"Jimmy Carter is out there thinking..."

"You think you're better than me?"

"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."

"Wordle is here tonight."

"Can we just acknowledge..."

He got a bipartisan infrastructure bill passed.

"Too chilling for you guys?"

Courtroom sketch artist

Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream

"Your words speak truth to power."

"And the race is tied?"

"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"

"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."

The final White House Correspondents' Dinner

"Manage your expectations, people."

"I got one 'woo.'"

"We're all here tonight at nerd prom."

"I'm also used to being second gentleman."