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Captain, My Captain

The final White House Correspondents' Dinner

"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."

"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"

"You think you're better than me?"

"That was hard-hitting journalism you saw."

"Your words speak truth to power."

"And the race is tied?"

"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."

"Biden laughed."

"Stop emailing us!"

"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."

"Decency is why we're all here tonight."

I Like You Too

"I'll be delivering the Republican response."

"Wordle is here tonight."

Good Band

"Can we just acknowledge..."

"Manage your expectations, people."

Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream

"You remember."

"I got one 'woo.'"

"I'm also used to being second gentleman."

"We're all here tonight at nerd prom."

"Nothing makes sense anymore."