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Captain, My Captain

"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."

"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"

The final White House Correspondents' Dinner

"That was hard-hitting journalism you saw."

"Your words speak truth to power."

"And the race is tied?"

"You think you're better than me?"

"Biden laughed."

"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."

"Decency is why we're all here tonight."

"Stop emailing us!"

"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."

"I'll be delivering the Republican response."

I Like You Too

Good Band

"Can we just acknowledge..."

"Wordle is here tonight."

Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream

"Manage your expectations, people."

"You remember."

"I'm also used to being second gentleman."

"Nothing makes sense anymore."

"I got one 'woo.'"