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Captain, My Captain

"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."

"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"

The final White House Correspondents' Dinner

"Your words speak truth to power."

"And the race is tied?"

"You think you're better than me?"

"That was hard-hitting journalism you saw."

"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."

"Biden laughed."

"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."

"Stop emailing us!"

"Decency is why we're all here tonight."

I Like You Too

"I'll be delivering the Republican response."

"Wordle is here tonight."

Good Band

"Can we just acknowledge..."

Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream

"Manage your expectations, people."

"I'm also used to being second gentleman."

"I got one 'woo.'"

"You remember."

"We're all here tonight at nerd prom."