"Journalism is clearly not a crime."
"Stop emailing us!"
The final White House Correspondents' Dinner
"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"
"Jimmy Carter is out there thinking..."
"...my definition of patriotism and heroism."
"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."
"Can we just acknowledge..."
"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."
"I got one 'woo.'"
"You remember."
"We're all here tonight at nerd prom."
"I'm also used to being second gentleman."
"Too chilling for you guys?"
"I'll be delivering the Republican response."
"Manage your expectations, people."
"Wordle is here tonight."
Courtroom sketch artist
Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream
"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."
"Biden laughed."
"You think you're better than me?"
"Your words speak truth to power."
"And the race is tied?"
"Nothing makes sense anymore."