"Wordle is here tonight."

"Let's Start Giving Out Some Trophies!"

"Stop emailing us!"

"Can we just acknowledge..."

The final White House Correspondents' Dinner

"Sleepy Joe is still awake!"

"Jimmy Carter is out there thinking..."

"I'll be delivering the Republican response."

"Biden laughed."

"You think you're better than me?"

"Room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell."

"Decency is why we're all here tonight."

"If you're watching C-SPAN on a Saturday night..."

"I got one 'woo.'"

"You remember."

"We're all here tonight at nerd prom."

"I'm also used to being second gentleman."

"Too chilling for you guys?"

Courtroom sketch artist

Criminal masterminds who bike to get ice cream

"Manage your expectations, people."

"I thought I saw Matt Gaetz here tonight..."

"That was hard-hitting journalism you saw."

Turning the page

"Your words speak truth to power."